Monthly Archives: February 2009

WTF s.Darko

Donnie Darko 2? You have GOT to be kidding me.

Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad idea. Straight-to-video you go…

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Urgh

It’s very rare that an item of clothing manages to screw up on such a spectacular level managing to make a size 0 model look like crap. This very bad pair of shorts manages to make the poor girl look both fat and flat simultaneously. Plus as JH pointed out, she has camel toe. Terrible. Photographer and fashion designer ought to be shot.

10 Songs About Sex

Let’s admit it, sex is everyone’s favourite scandalous topic. Whether you’re liberal or conserative it’s the number one topic to talk about. From decrying it to using it as a tool to show how modern! and open minded! you are, it’s simply the most in vogue topic of this era. Thus this presents my list of today: 10 Songs About Sex, split into equal parts fail and win based on creativity and subtlety.

WIN

1. Santana – Satellite (feat. Jorge Moreno)

Lyrics: “Baby, I’m gonna put your skin on mine/Be inside you all my life”

A farely obscure song, this comes from the Dirty Dancing 2: Havana Nights soundtrack. Sung to Santana’s 1337 guitar, the song screams Cuba. Unfortunately I can’t find this on youtube.

2. Maroon 5 – Sweetest Goodbye

Lyrics: “Pushing forward and arching back/Bring me closer to heart attack”

I LOLed like hell at first when I realised the lyrics to the song. You might say I have a dirty mind, but those lines were highly dodgy. This also comes from yet another soundtrack – Love Actually.

3. Kelis – Milkshake

Lyrics: Er, none in particular.

I actually really hate this song. I got very annoyed when it came out. However I must admit no song ever captured the public’s mind for dodginess so well. I remember the abnormally large number of phone calls to the radio station by listeners asking it Milkshake really meant oral sex. Thus, as much as I hate it, this is a win.

4. Gunter – Ding Dong Song

Lyrics: “Oh you touch my tralala” and “Mmmm, my ding ding dong”

I never laughed so hard listening to a song. Someone first sent this to me when I was 15. I died. For some reason this video appears to have the techno version, but this makes his deep I AM HORNY voice sound more LOL.

5. Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch

Lyrics: “Me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about”, “So put your hands down my pants and I’ll bet you’ll feel nuts”, “So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel” and alot alot more

I can’t believe I almost forgot about this song. As if the lyrics weren’t dodgy enough, even the music video is filled with sexual allusions. People singing about sex and dressed up as monkeys = win.

FAIL

1. Lil’ Kim – Magic Stick (feat 50 cent)

Lyrics:”And I’ll show you maaagic/(What? What?) Maaagic/I got the magic stick”, “I got the magic clit/I know If I get licked once, I can get licked twice”

Because I hate the song so much and couldn’t find the original, here’s the chipmunk version:

I didn’t even know where to begin when I saw the lyrics. Subtlety fail. And it’s rap, more fail.

2. Lil’ Jon – Get Low

Lyrics: “Pop yo pussy on the pole do yo thang baby” and “Now bring it back up clap yo ass like hands”

Admittedly not actually about the sexual act itself, this song depicts (I think) a visit to the local strip joint. Still it’s got a rather important claim to fame: Chris Rock’s standup comedy routine on rap.

3. 50 Cent – Candy Shop

Lyrics: “I’ll let you lick the lollipop/Go ‘head girl don’t you stop/Keep going till you hit the spot” and alot alot more

This actually reminds me of a divorce case which involves an extra-marital affair. In it, the wife alleges the husband uses “ice cream” to allude to oral sex with his mistress. This one instead uses lollipops instead. That’s some nasty shit going on in there.

4. Samwell – What What (In the Butt)

Lyrics: “You wanna do it in my butt, in my butt?/Lets do it in the butt, okay…” and “All I want is your big fat seed/Give it to me if you please, give it to me, if you please.”

Please watch this video. It is equal parts disturbing, lol and absurd. JH first saw this video and showed it to me. It has stayed in my mind ever since. Words fail me. On the other hand it is so openly camp! and gay! that it might just be a win.

5. Billy Idol – Rebel Yell

Lyrics: “She cried more, more, more/With a rebel yell”

Actually the only reason this song is in fail is because I almost had to sing it on Guitar Hero, and thus have been mildly traumatised about how close I came to singing about a woman having orgasms in front of my male friends. Awkward much? Still this song makes me cringe to no end for it’s cheesy yet obviously sexual innuendos.

LOL, Isaac Mizrahi

HAT.

It’s a Big Ad

My friend just sent me this youtube video, and I started laughing when I saw the ad. I love the part where they start singing “This better sell some blooooooooooody beer”.

Good stuff, Mad Men has nothing on it.

Come On Let’s Get High

I used to be one of those types who was highly disdainful about ‘popular’ music. While I wasn’t at full hipster indie I-am-superior level, I still didn’t like the idea of people just listening to whatever is popular because everyone else happened to be doing so. After the double deaths of my laptop in a mere year however, my music repository and mood to go out and look for good bands only dried up. From last year to now I daresay the only 2 artists have really found their way into my itune because I bought the CDs from this place in Manila – A Fine Frenzy and Duke Special.

Recently however the weirdest songs keep popping into my head and staying there, resulting in endless replays on the very sad youtube.com. From old school songs like Conti’s Gonna Fly Now from the Rocky Movie (I blame JH for this) to Kanye West’s Love Lockdown (I think this was from hearing bits from a television trailer), the latest to have joined this is Franz Ferdinand’s Ulysses (from hearing the band chant ULYSSES and and associating it with the army company my friends in BMT got assigned to).

When my friend first showed it to me, I didn’t think very much about it. I also kind of groaned mentally when I saw the band name, associating it with those random girls I see wearing skinny jeans, Franz Ferdinand band shirts and converses. I found the video quite interesting however, for the retro washedout grainy feel it had. Yes I am aware this seems to be a common technique nowadays, but I found it enticing nonetheless. I also thought the title was quite interesting. I initially thought it was some song in stream-of-consciousness style like Joyce’s Ulysses which was referenced in the title of the song. Instead the song appears to be about preparing for a night out of partying. There is probably some deeper implication here that I am missing, probably because I’ve not bothered to touch Joyce’s Ulysses.

Whatever it is, high literary associations aside, it’s one song definitely worth listening to.

I should also learn to leave the music side of this blog to JH.

8tracks

So I was recently introduced to this awesome site where you can share and listen to mixes, which is just amazing to me. I’ve been spending so much time on this site and neglecting the world because it’s just SO FREAKING FUN. Anyway just wanted to share my mixes, which are HERE! Go forth and listen.

I have too many accounts on too many sites, lol.