JFYI, JH and I hate Twilight. We believe it’s the worst piece of literature that has recently captured the imagination of the public. Unfortunately it appears more than 50% of the world begs to differ with that opinion. This post however can be seen both ways: a celebration of the trashiness of Twilight or a fete of the artistry of the fans of ~sexy~ vampires.
This post first started very innocently when I was surfing etsy to look for a new wallet when I stumbled upon this gem:
USD 14 from ThumpersTreasures
My mouth literally went dry at the wonderful creation! It was Twilight! It had tiled book cover images! It had a picture of Edward Cullen/Robert Pattinson! OMG WIN. The inside lining is black too! So dark! So goth! Like the story! Omg! MORE WIN!
This excellent piece of artwork made me want to go out and seek more fine pieces!
Then I found this toiletry set! After all, who wouldn’t want to smell like a hot ~sexy~ vampire? ^_^ Nevermind that no one actually know how Edward Cullen smells because he is a fictional character! What next? Cthulhu perfume?
However what if smelling Edward Cullen isn’t enough for you? Then purchase this glow in the dark soap and rub his face all over your orifices! Pretend he’s really there, soaping you up. WINK WINK~
If that isn’t enough, why not retire to your room where Edward Cullen awaits to greet you for your ~sparkly!~ entrance into your dark lair where the vampires like you reside?
Of course being the awesomely dark vampire you are, you must dress like one too! If you’re flat broke and can’t go out and buy a new entirely black and blood red wardrobe, then why not try this iron on patch that proudly proclaims you’re a ballerina vampire ^_^
Of course if you have a bit more to splurge, then the sky’s the limit! So why not try this awesome twilight inspired (what else?) charm bracelet?
If you lean a bit to the arty organic side (why not, after all Edward IS a vegetarian vampire), why not try this screen printed canvas bag showing your great love for Mr Edward Cullen… after your initial flings with Dracula (too un-vegetarian for you) and the like.
We musn’t forget neck pieces too, because after all necks are the most important part to vampires! To attract a vampire nearby you to sink his/her fangs into your soft never-been-touched-by-the-sun-and-in-desperate-need-of-vitamin-D-skin, why not draw their attention to your love of vampires by wearing this piece?
For more versatility, it’s printed on a dog tag too! So vampire Afghanistan and Iraq stationed soldiers can join in the fun too!~
We musn’t of course forget all the little vampire babies running around named Renesmee or some odd derivative. They too can join in their vampric love of Edward Cullen by proclaiming it on their little bellies! Nevermind that vampire babies are considered evil in twilight lore and must be destroyed! (I read the wiki when I was bored in work. Had to stifle the disparaging laughter.)
However the best is invariably saved for the last. Look at the image below, does it seem a little odd to you? Look closer, guess why.
That’s right, that’s not Bella Swan there! It’s some horrible interloper pretending to be Bella Swan! :O :O :O for all you die hards there, why not purchase a special shoop of yourself and Edward in it? Nevermind that he only has eyes for Bella Swan, you can PRETEND to be Bella Swan! :O Isn’t it thrilling? Isn’t it thrillingly stupid?